I haven’t been here in a long time.
I miss it, but have been avoiding it at the same time…I have about 10 unfinished blogs just sitting in my notes.
I always start, only to give up because I feel like a broken record…
When I have really felt the need to share, I’ve felt an even greater need to censor.
Having a public, and often very personal, blog is amazing in so many ways, but it also opens up complications, so sometimes it’s hard to know what to share and/or how to share it.
I’m pretty friggen open, but my life is not just me, yanno?
Depression/CFS has also been a HUGE factor.
I have been dealing with an inordinately long an intense period of depression for the last year and a half…CFS likes to piggyback…it’s as awesomely g-dawful as it sounds.
I’ve basically just hunkered down and dealt with only the necessities…particularly for the past 6-9 months.
But, I’m trying to come out of my hole a bit.
I should break up all this info into several posts, but really?
Ain’t Nobody Got Time Fo’ That.
So here’s the basics since we last talked in January:
My husband and I went through probably the toughest time we’ve ever had in our almost 6 years of marriage.
It was extremely hard and fucking scary, but we made it out alive and still together.
(All while living with in-laws! I feel like we should get bonus points for that. Ha.)
It always sounds so stupidly trite to say, but it actually HAS made us a better couple.
In March, he finally got a job after being out of work for over a year.
It was totally a fluke, and not something he was even looking to do, but turns out that he really enjoys it.
It pays about 50% of what his old job payed (paid? I no can brains tooday), but it’s helped him solidify a path for himself, which has been a really positive and unexpected benefit.
On that same note, the Huz has decided what kind of career he REALLY wants…
As such, he is headed back to school.
Full-time. While he works. Full-time. Oof.
It’s gonna be tough on several levels but people have been doing it for eons, so I’m thinking we’ll survive…yep. Right??
Last week, he was offered a promotion at work, which is great, but with school starting on August 5 we’re not sure he’ll be able to take the position due to schedule changes…we’ll see. He’s been assured though, that they’ll work with him.
The kids are amazing and exhausting and two full-time jobs.
Amirite, moms?? Holy workload. Ha!
Our son is getting so big! He’ll be FOUR this October!
I still think of him as a baby, my baby, but every day I’m reminded that he’s becoming a boy. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me a bit sad.
He’s so freaking smart, it kills me.
He’s been reading for a few months now…and he taught himself how to sign his ABCs via YouTube.
My favorite thing though?
His burgeoning negotiating skills:
O: Cookies for breakfast?
O: How about peanut butter and jelly samwich?
Me: Cereal and fruit.
O: How about ice cream??
O: How about cereal, Mommy?
The Huz and I are screwed.
He started preK at the beginning of this month.
We love the school and his teacher even more, but the process has opened up some challenges for us…
Before school started, we’d taken him into his Pediatrician b/c he was running a 103 temp and was all kinds of loopy.
O has developed a fear of doctors ever since Mommy left to go to the doctor and then didn’t come home for 5 days because she had Baby Sister…
Couple that with a high fever?
The appointment did not go well.
Lots of screaming:
NO CHECK UP! NO DOCTOR! NO
Then his Ped looks at me and says:
I’m really concerned about Autism.
Are you speaking English?
He goes on to also say that his speech is delayed and he behavior is abnormal for someone his age…He needs to be seen by a therapist and assessed for ASD…
It was like he punched me in the face.
I tried to collect myself so I could ask/answer pertinent questions, but I mostly just started crying.
I’d had my concerns about O’s speech development before but his Ped had brushed me off at his last appointment, assuring me that it would fall into place with school-but Autism?
I had even mentioned to him before that I thought maybe O might be dealing with some sort of sensory issue-sensitivity to lights, certain sounds, etc. would make him freak out-but again, his Ped kinda blew me off while implying that it probably had to do with a “lack of discipline.”
Now, it’s AUTISM?!
Obviously, Autism is not a death sentence or anything of the like, but I think any parent’s heart would sink…if only for the fact that we all want to protect are children from as many obstacles as possible.
As an adult with Cerebral Palsy, Chronic Fatigue, PTSD, and Depression/Anxiety disorders, my biggest hope is that my kids won’t have to live a life with any kind of disabilities…
But whatever turns out to be going on with O, I will be his biggest, loudest advocate.
A good friend asked me if I, deep down, thought O was Autistic:
It’s not denial, I truly don’t feel that he is…
That being said-
I’m not a doctor, so I realize I could be completely wrong.
I hope I’m not.
Right now, we’re in the midst of lining up all the right appointments and making sure it’s with the right people.
It’s not been nearly direct as I’d hoped, but in some ways it’s probably been a good thing as we’ve now had some time to digest and evaluate.
Annnnd, we’re getting him a new pediatrician. DUH.
As for our daughter, that little Peanut is going to be ONE on Tuesday.
She’s is still ridiculously adorable as she was from day 1, AND a diva, but with climbing capabilities and 6 teeth.
For a while her Ped was concerned about her weight gain-or lack thereof, but after some monitoring/tests her Ped just thinks she’s gonna be petite.
A 17lb petite lil’ powerhouse.
She LOVES food.
She wants to EAT ALL THINGS.
She loves her big brother to death and he loves her-unless she touches trains…or cars…or food…mostly because she’ll eat it all.
It cracks me up.
Oh, and the poor Darlin’ has her Mama’s laugh…it’s not the most delicate sound…ahem.
I love them both to a depth that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to describe, let alone fully comprehend.
Even though I understand the passage of time, I just don’t get how fast they’re growing…
Welp, I think that wraps it up!
There’s a lot on our little family’s horizon, but I’m not about to make any predictions. I’m just gonna keep chugging along and attempt to do good…
Everyone who reads this little side-show has been incredibly supportive, and I’m super grateful for every bit.